You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
