dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
