Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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