meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
