Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
