Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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