My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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