You can't special order awesome
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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