i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
