be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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