the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
