shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
