Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
