Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
