so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize