Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
