Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
