My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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