I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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