we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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