I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
