The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
