I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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