i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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