so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
