His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I touched a dick in church today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
