Nicole vs. Life
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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