I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
