so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
