I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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