I've blown a few things in my day
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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