O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
