wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
