maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
