Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
