Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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