The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
