operation harelip BJ is a go
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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