I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
