I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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