yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
