About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
