do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize