I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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