He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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