Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
