I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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