From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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