I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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