just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
