Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
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Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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