So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
