Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
