i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
