I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
