Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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