they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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