I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
