the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
