Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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