So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
