i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
